


🐍😎🌱

by katychan666



Series: Texting Series [25]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Ducks, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 17:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: An old friend of Asmodeus, demon Crowley, runs to Magnus for some advice on how to win over his angel. And also maybe Magnus will finally help him to answer the question that was with him for over a century - do ducks have ears?





	🐍😎🌱

**Author's Note:**

> So i guess I'm adding a 4th show into this crazy crossover huh 😂😂😂🙈🙈🙈

Magnus was happily working in his office - it was a quiet day that day. Not many clients, so he had all the time in the world to take things slow. Alexander texted him here and there for the Institute, telling him that he would soon be coming back home as well. Magnus smiled and he then leaned back in his chair; it was just one of those lazy Fridays and he couldn’t wait to have his husband finally back home. Then he would get all of the hugs and cuddles he was missing out on since that morning and he was literally glowing as he slowly flipped the page of the book that he had been reading. 

 

“Ah, peace and quiet - it’s a glorious day,” muttered Magnus to himself, but he knew that he probably shouldn’t have. That way he always ended up jinxing himself and he quickly took it back. At least he wanted to, but it was like the Universe  _ knew _ that he was having too much fun, because not soon after those words left his mouth, his phone started buzzing like crazy and Magnus started sliding down his chair. Nope, he wasn’t going to reply. He checked the phone and there was a number that he didn’t recognise. It wasn’t Alexander, so it was no one important, probably. Not that it mattered, because.

 

_ Buzz _

 

_ Buuuuzz _

 

_ Buuuuuuzzzz _

 

_ Buzz-buzz-buzz-buzz _

 

“Oh for the love of God I’ll-” grumbled Magnus and then finally snapped, ready to yell at whoever it was, because this was too much. Magnus needed to change his number as far too many people had it. But then again, he’d have to exchange it with all of his clients again, who would end up giving his phone number away again and- maybe he should just have two phones, a personal and business one. That way, he could easily tune out his annoying clients, because this was getting ridiculous and he clicked with his tongue. However, he soon figured out that it maybe  _ wasn’t  _ a client after all.

 

_ Mate, I need your help! _

_ Magnus Bane? This is your phone number, isn’t it? Your father gave it to me!  _

_ Look, I rarely ask for help, but this time it would be much appreciated! _

_ Magnus? _

_ Oh, what’s the time over there? This time difference is truly a pain in the neck. I need to have a talk with the ‘up-stairs’ folks and maybe they could cancel it out. I do have so connections. Either way, I need your help and please reply when you get the messages. _

_ Please, be it soon? _

_ Oh, you probably wonder who it is. It’s me;  _ 🐍😎🌱

_ Emoticons really are fascinating, aren’t they? One of miracles from my Angel, you see  _ 🥰

_ Also, do you think ducks have ears? _

_ I mean they have to, right? _

_ Magnus? _

 

One of these days, Magnus was going to banish his father for good and cut him off of all means of communication, because this was getting ridiculous. Yes, Magnus knew who it was - an acquaintance of his from a long time ago and he sighed. He tried to ignore it, but Magnus was too much of a good person to ignore a demon in need and despite rolling his eyes, he hit the reply button. Was he going to regret doing this? Probably. Was it going to be interesting at least? Again, probably, yes. 

 

**Magnus:** _ Crawley?  _ 🧐

**Crowley:** _ … _

**Crowley:** _ Why are you like this? _

**Magnus: 😇😇😇😇😇😇😇😇**

**Crowley:** 😒😒😒😒

**Magnus:** _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry  _ 🤣 🤣 🤣  _ What do you want? How can I help? _

**Crowley:** _ It’s really not funny though  _ 🤨

**Crowley:** _ But yes, there’s been a situation! Angel is going to be staying over and I need your help with it, because this is such a big step and I don’t know what I should do. I’m kind of freaking out over here! Maybe you should portal over here... _

**Magnus:** _ Help you how?  _

**Crowley:** _ Didn’t you just read what I’ve said! Angel. Is. Coming. Over. _

**Magnus:** _ So?  _

**Crowley:** _ So... _

**Crowley:** _ HELP ME! _

**Magnus:** _ How?! _

**Crowley:** _ Tell me what to do! It just occurred to me that the two of us will be completely alone and in my house and I don’t know how to process this quite yet.  _

**Magnus: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣**

 

Magnus started laughing. He really didn’t know if he should be rolling his eyes or not; since when were he and Alexander a nation dating advice hotline? It sure seemed like that, because this was getting kind of ridiculous. From Lucifer, to Gabriel’s Moose over there and now Crowley… This was getting out of hands and Magnus tried not to be over it, but it was also kind annoying, in a way. Still, he was going to help out Crowley, of course! He was his dad’s old friend, so-

 

**Magnus:** _ What do you mean? Aren’t you guys like together now? _

**Crowley:** _ Together?  _ 😮

**Magnus:** _ Yes. Together. Relationship? _

**Crowley:** _ …  _

**Crowley:** _ Now I’m a sad  _ 🐍

**Magnus:** _????? _

**Crowley:** _ Because we’re not!!  _ 😢 

**Magnus:** _ How are you not? You two literally act like you’re married. I’ve seen you two! Ineffable husbands and all. How in the world is that possible?! _

**Crowley:** _ Don’t ask me, ask him! I did try to tell him how I… feel. But I don’t do feelings and emotions well and it also doesn’t help that the Angel is the densest creature in the whole wide Universe  _ 😒

**Magnus:** _ Well did you try telling him directly?  _ 👀

**Crowley:** _ Um… no? _

**Magnus:** _ Might be your problem  _ 🤭

**Crowley:** _ Well what do you expect me to do: tell him how I feel directly? I’ve asked him out more than once - but he’s more interested in the food than me  _ 🤧.  _ Not to mention when I told him to come with me, he totally freaked out  _ ☹️

**Magnus:** _ Come with you where? _

**Crowley:** _ I said we’d run off together and he didn’t want to! _

**Magnus:** _ You sure he didn’t took it as you wanting to kidnap him? _

**Crowley:** _ No, what do you think I am? I might be a demon, but I’m not a Neanderthal.  _

**Magnus:** _ Maybe try a bit of a slower approach? _

**Crowley:** _ He said I go too fast for him  _ 😦

**Crowley:** _ And that was after 6000 years of knowing him! You know what does 6000 years of pining away do to you? It is horrible and he just doesn’t seem to get that. Perhaps he just doesn’t like me in that way. He won’t even admit he’s my friend sometimes. It’s truly horrible. _

**Crowley:** _ This was me in the Garden of Eden when we’ve met:  _ 😍🥰

**Crowley:** _ Has been me ever since, but he doesn’t notice it at all  _ 🥺

**Magnus:** _ Aw, that's actually awful. My man is the complete opposite - wanted to move in after two months of dating. And considering where our first kiss took place, I think he was ready at the time to drag me back down the aisle and marry me instead if he could  _ 😂😂😂

**Crowley:** _ I hope you know how lucky you are  _ 😭

**Magnus:** _ Oh, I do. ✨ _

 

Magnus sighed - they really were helpless idiots in love. They so were, Magnus had met both of them more than ten years ago and he thought that they were together even then. And how couldn’t Crowley see that the angel was smitten with him? Magnus massaged his temples and tried to cheer himself up a little bit. It looked like he was a relationship therapist now. But well-

 

**Magnus:** _ Well, how about you try telling him now that he’s coming over? _

**Crowley: 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳**

**Crowley: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱**

**Magnus:** _ What?! _

**Crowley:** _ What do you mean? That I should just say it?! Just like that?! "Hey, angel, I like you!" _

**Magnus:** _ Duh  _ 😂

**Crowley: 😱😱😱😱😱**

**Crowley:** _ I can't do that  _ 😖

**Magnus:** _ Sure you can.  _ 💪💪

**Magnus:** _ You're a big, bad demon. You stopped the apocalypse! Surely you can ask someone out _ ✨

**Crowley:** _ I'd rather stop another one than ask the Angel out properly. What if he says no? Then how am I supposed to live with that?! _

**Magnus:** _ Anthony J. Crowley, you will now listen to me! _

**Crowley:** _ … _

**Magnus:** _ … _

**Magnus:** _ What does the J stand for again?  _ 👀

**Crowley:** _ Anthony Just-helplessly-in-love-with-the-angel Crowley  _ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

**Magnus: 🙈🙈🙈🙈**

**Crowley:** _ I don't know it's just a J. I like the letter J. Can't I just like it without any special reasons?! _

**Magnus:** _ No one said that  _ 😅.  _ Calm down  _ ❤

**Crowley:** _ I can't. Aziraphale is going to be here soon and I am NOT ready  _ 😱

**Magnus:** _ Just tell him how you feel. It's that easy you'll see. And FYI, he totally loves you back. ✨ _

**Crowley:** _ Then why won't he say it?  _ 😭

**Crowley:** _ And what if he rejects me? _

 

"Because you're both idiots in love," mumbled Magnus and just shook his head.

 

**Magnus:** _ He won't. I promise. _

**Crowley:** _ You better be right or else 😠 _

**Magnus: ❤❤❤❤**

 

"Finally, it's over," said Magnus and then locked his phone as texts from Crowley stopped coming and Magnus smiled - it looked like the demon was getting ready and Magnus had a little smile on his face, picking up the book again and he happily leaned back in his chair again, humming happily. He kind of hoped Alexander was going to be back home and he then clicked with his tongue. He was bored, so he put down the book and picked up his phone instead and then hummed when he remembered Crowley's question from before -  _ do ducks have ears?  _ Did they? Oh, he needed to ask Alec that! It was hilarious what boredom was able to do to Magnus.

 

**Magnus:** _ Do ducks have ears? _

**Alec:** _??? _

**Alec:** _ What? _

**Magnus:** _ It's a simple question: do ducks have ears? I mean they have to, no? They hear stuff, but also it's so freaky when you think about it. That there is no ears on top of their heads? _

**Alec: 😂😂😂😂😂**

**Alec:** _ Bored again?  _ ❤

**Magnus:** _ You have no idea  _ 😭😭😭

**Alec:** _ Aww, you poor thing  _ 😘😘😘😘

**Magnus:** _ I just imagined ducks with human ears and now I can't get rid of this image. It's horrible, Alexander help me  _ 😭😭😭

**Alec:** _ Noooo, Magnus, why??  _ 😱😱😱😱

**Alec: 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈**

**Alec:** _ This is horrible  _

**Alec:** _ … _

**Alec:** _ I need to forward it to Jace.  _ 😼💪

**Magnus: 😂😂😂😂😂**

**Magnus:** _ Your poor Parabatai  _ 😂😂😂😂

**Alec:** _ Hey, it was his idea too to become Parabatai and now he's stuck with me  _ 😎😎😎

**Magnus: 😂😂😂😂😂😂**

**Alec:** _ I'll let you know what I find out _ 😼

 

And Magnus was in waiting. And he didn't have to wait for long because a reply soon came from Alec and he smiled when he saw that Alec have sent him screenshots of his conversation with Jace. As the topic of conversation were ducks, Magnus knew that he was in for a good show and a laugh.

 

**Alec:** _ Do ducks have ears?  _ 👀

**Jace:** _ What?! Ducks?! Where?!  _ 😱😱😱

**Alec:** _ Everywhere  _ 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

**Jace: 🙈🙈🙈🙈**

**Alec:** _ SO? _

**Jace:** _ So, what? How the fuck am I supposed to know? Do I look like a duck person to you?  _ 😒

**Alec:** _ Yes, duck sensei teach me  _ 🙇

**Jace:** _ According to Mundane studies ducks have smallish holes just behind their eyes that are covered by small, stiff feathers. _

**Alec:** _ Oooohhh _

**Alec:** _ But picture this: duck with human ears. 👀 _

**Alec: 👂** _ \+ 🦆 _

**Jace:** _ What the actual fuck man?! _

**Alec:** _ What? It's more practical  _ ✨

**Jace:** _ That's something out of a horror movie. Never mention it again  _ 😖😖

**Alec:** _ Ducks with teeth _

**Jace:** _ Alec, no! _

**Alec:** _ Alec, yes  _ 😏

**Alec:** _ Ducks with human ears and teeth. Now that is a combo I'd love to see  _ 👀

**Jace:** _ Bye. Alec. _

**Alec:** _ Jace? _

**Alec:** _ Jace? _

**Alec:** _ Jace? _

**Alec:** _ Jacey? _

**Alec:** _ My lovely Parabatai come back  _ 😭😭😭😭

**Alec:** _ Speak to me _ !

**Jace:** _ What?! _

**Alec: ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😍😍😍😍😍😘😘💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕**

**Alec:** _ Karate trained ducks  _ 😎

 

Magnus was laughing and it seemed that after that Jace had finally had it enough.

 

**Alec:** _ And then he didn't reply  _ 😅😅😅

**Magnus:** _ Can you blame him though? _

**Alec:** _ I suppose not  _ 😅😅😅

**Magnus: 😂😂😂😂**

**Magnus:** _ Thank you for this - you gave me a good laugh _

**Alec:** _ Always happy to make my man happy  _ 😏😏😏

**Magnus:** _ When are you coming back home? _

**Alec:** _ Just now. Have a portal ready in 5 minutes _

**Magnus:** _ Okay. 😘😘😘😘😘 _

**Alec: 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍**

 

As Magnus waited for the five minutes to pass he decided that he needed to let Crowley know about duck ears; it was an important information. 

 

**Magnus:** _ Hey, J! _

**Crowley:** _ J? _

**Magnus:** _ Yes your middle name  _ ✨

**Magnus:** _ My Alec figured it out, ducks do have ears  _ 👀👀👀.  _ They're hidden though. _

**Crowley:** _ I KNEW IT!  _

**Magnus:  😂😂😂😂😂**

**Magnus:** _ So, did you tell him? _

**Magnus:** _ How did it go? _

**Crowley:** … 

**Crowley:** _ We've talked… Our… feelings… are mutual.  _ 😳

**Magnus: 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉**

**Crowley: 😊 🐍**

**Magnus:** _ Yeees! _

**Crowley:** _ Thank you? _

**Crowley:** _ Oh, I gotta go. Angel needs me! _

**Magnus:** _ You're welcome  _ 💪

 

Magnus had the brightest smile when he read that and his smile got even brighter when he created the portal and his husband stepped through, stepping right into his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Leave a comment if you liked it


End file.
